Anniversary!

Five years ago I married . . . a man.  I can't say I married my best friend because I have a best friend and we aren't married.  I married my soul mate? Hmmm, honestly I don't think I can label my husband as a soul mate or a best friend or anything.  He went from being a complete stranger to being my boyfriend to being my fiance to being my husband all in a matter of 3 years.  I think with time he's become my best friend,  I can't imagine sharing what he and I share with anyone else.  He makes me laugh, he makes me happy and he most definitely makes me MAD! Mad in love, mad with anger, mad with desire . . . just mad.  I know this sounds corny but it's hard to imagine anyone else being as happy as I am with him.  Is that bad? I guess everyone thinks that when they're with their special someone.   We do fight a lot . . . mostly over the GPS.  He is so stubborn!  I hate how stubborn he is  . . . yet I love how passionate he is.  The last five years have truly been a blessing.  My friends say he deserves a medal for dealing with my shenanigans and that is true.  I must agree.  I've grown up a lot during this marriage and I have to thank him for putting up with me when a lot of men probably wouldn't.  He makes me want to be better all the time.  I am very grateful to have him in my life and I am very grateful for the great dad that he is.  Our baby Niko has a great role model and I can't wait for more babies and I can't wait to see what the next year brings.

I love you baby . . . every time you miss me just press the bear . . . .

xoxoxo


October 17, 2009 . . . and they never looked back (at least 5 years later they haven't looked back . . . lol)

Drama queens

Every time I watch the Mindy Project I wonder if someone secretly loves me the way Danny loves Mindy.  I'm not sure if he even knows he has feelings for her yet but he definitely does.  I grew up in the 80s/90s era but I mostly remember shows like the Wonder Years, Saved by the Bell, Friends and Mad about you, but all rom-com shows like the Mindy Project and New Girl have the same premise.  We knew that Jess and Nick were going to end up together.  They're probably going to break up and then end up together after 8 seasons like Robyn and Barney.  I mean Duh! did we learn nothing from Ross and Rachel or Kelly and Zach . . . or maybe they'll end up like Kevin and Winnie.

Ok back to me.  V thinks it's incredibly vain of me to think that there's someone out there harboring secret feelings for me but I don't care.  I think that's the ultimate ego boost (which now having said that I do feel slightly narcissistic), but all I've ever wanted was a declaration of love.  That's it! I used to create drama with V just because our relationship was always so smooth and perfect but after a while he caught on and began to ignore me.   Why is it that we crave so much drama? I've had drama before with past lovers and conquests and it was horrible.  I would cry all the time.  Once I made my friend drive me to someone's apartment complex just to see if his car was there because he hadn't called me in two days.  In my defense I was 23 years old.  That's some Hannah Horvath shit.  Once I met V all the drama disappeared and he was everything I ever wanted.  We met, dated and then got engaged.  Smooth sailing, not one break up . . .  so no wonder 8 months later I am throwing a set of keys on the wall because he did not want to take me to Chipotle.  Fast forward 4 years later and I cannot get away with one dramatic antic because he knows all of my tricks.  The other day I told him that I was going to start kissing other guys if he didn't kiss me more often and he just said: Make sure you snap me a picture.  Dang! Cold blooded.  I am really not going to start kissing any guys not only am I married but I love and respect my husband . . . also I am not very smooth so I'd probably get caught and bring a lot of shame not only to my husband but my family.  So all the stupid, little things I say or do are just to get a reaction out of V which hardly ever happens.  It's mostly because I'm bratty.  I'm trying to change my evil ways though.   I think Mindy Lahiri actually gives women a bad name but that's why she's relatable because a lot of women behave that way but are too ashamed to admit it but not I, I am not as crazy as she is.  Seriously though aside from being a doctor and being a hard worker she has no admirable qualities.  She's kinda racist.  She's very selfish and she's so superficial.  Ahhhh! Having said that Mindy and I would probably be friends because when I am around other crazy people I tend to be less crazy so we balance each other out. 

I found this Mindy and Danny compilation video on YouTube.  It's cute but the music a bit too loud.  Enjoy!

Back to me again, I just need to accept my marital happiness, after all isn't that what we all want? A happy ending.

Love and marriage

. . . go together like a horse and carriage. My parents never let me watch that show. They thought it was too risqué for my young eyes.

V left for the DMV last night. We won't reunite until December 31. I miss him so much already. I cried . . . a lot. I think it's the pregnancy hormones. I cry a lot in general but lately I've been a lot better. I only cry when I'm really sad or scared which only happens like every other week as opposed to every other day but today I felt an immense sadness. He's left before and I don't miss him as much but today I do.  He makes me very happy. So much so it used to upset me. I hated that my happiness was dependent on someone else, but then I realized he makes a better person and I like who I am when I'm with him and he's taught me so much so I'm happy because I like who I've become because of him. We work well together. Being married is a lot of work. We have learned to compromise and we always take each other's thoughts and opinions into consideration before making a decision. Loving him however is effortless. We are equals. Partners in crime! I think being pregnant has made me realize what a better wife and person I want to be.  I feel much more at peace now and a lot more calm if that makes sense.  I can't wait to see him. I'll be 30 weeks then and we'll start our new year together. 2014 will be a much better year. I feel it!

Some of my favorite couple pics . . . taken here, Tangier, Barcelona, Athens and Cairo

Unrequited love

What's up with Keira Knightley and ALL her period movies?  Will I ever see her in a normal C rated movie?  Anyway, I love you Keira! One of my favorite Keira Knightley movies has to be Love Actually.  I absolutely love that movie.

My favorite scene:

Unrequited love *sigh*.  A syndrome we all suffer from at one point in life.  I remember spending a great deal of my 20s longing for the admiration of "Mr. Wrong."  Looking back he was kind of gross but my enamored soul was in denial.  I remember S telling me numerous times: "He doesn't like you, he doesn't want to be with you". It may sound harsh but it really wasn't.  I should have listened to her instead of spending countless hours hoping and praying he would fall in love with me.  He never did.  It was heartbreaking.  How could I, a logical person, fall for the "wrong guy"?  I was friendly, funny,smart, witty . . . what was I missing?  Nothing.  I wasn't missing anything.  Mr. Wrong just wasn't the guy for me.  Obviously or we'd be together.  But how could my 20 something year old soul realize that?  There's no logic or reason behind our feelings.  If we could logically sort through our feelings we'd never suffer heartbreak or love for that matter.  I finally accepted the fact that "He just wasn't into me" and gave myself time to grieve and finally moved on.  Time heals all wounds doesn't it?  It sure does.  If waiting it out isn't your thing here's a helpful guide: How to get over unrequited love in 10 easy steps.  

Looking back I am thankful nothing ever happened.  I went on to marry a great and caring man who loves me unconditionally.  So for all those loving souls out there don't forget that things always happen for a reason.  You may not know it yet but soon you'll see.

Years later when I was engaged "he" made contact.  All of a sudden I'd become the woman he wanted me to be.  A little too late.  All I ever wanted was a declaration of love and when I finally received it, it didn't matter anymore.  

The joys of marriage

I recently discovered the joys of marriage. I'd like to share a few.

Handyman, cook, best friend all in one: my husband.

No need to shave my legs more than once a week because he doesn't care and despite of what we may see in the movies our passionate love making doesn't include him running his hands up and down my legs.  Side note: Shave your legs at least once a week though.

Knowing that I am no longer alone and that there's someone who loves me unconditionally other than my immediate family . . . at least for the time being.

Someone to discuss bowel movements with . . . this is what my husband does and I have no choice but to listen but now he thinks I am the best listener.  Yay me!

Pillow talk . . . this is probably my favorite.

Compromise and negotiation.  Growing up my parents dictated the rules and I followed them.  I tried to negotiate once but my dad caught on that I wasn't trying to keep up my end of the bargain and all negotiations were terminated.  My hubby hasn't caught on yet . . . sneaky, sneaky me but he thinks I'm cute so I'm good . . . for now.

I make up random celebrations ie: day-versaries, monthaversaries etc. etc.

I've learned that even though I consider V a good husband for a number of reasons, he's kind, he's patient, he's loyal, he takes care of me etc. etc., he only thinks I'm a good wife because I don't bitch about him watching football Thursday- Monday ( I don't for the most part), I listen to his funny stories and I don't complain about much.  Oh, he also says I'm a good wife because I care about him and I understand him.  That came as an after thought.

I think it's good that he considers me a good wife for those reasons though because I'm obviously a good woman or else he wouldn't have married me but it's those little things that make a difference.  Who wants to be someone who complains all the time? Why am I going to pick a fight over something petty?  It doesn't make sense.  I mean, I may once in a while if I am starving for attention but that brings excitement to our day to day routine so my dramatisms* are actually a plus in this relationship.  Once you're married you have to learn to pick your battles.  Trust.

Oh, the first year of living together sucked by the way.  I think George Carlin said it best: Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

It's hard being lovers and friends.  It's hard being partners.  It's mostly hard because I can be really self involved sometimes but thankfully I've found a man who thinks my random rants are cute . . . I think everything about him is cute.

By the way we've only been married three years and we don't have any kids yet.  I'll keep you posted on how I feel in a few months.

*dramatisms - dramatic antics.

And now the pics . . .

We had our weekly date night.  Guess what I wore? My onesie.  I paired it with a black boyfriend blazer and black booties . . .

Aqua blazer similar one found here.

Identity theft?

I come from a very traditional Mexican family.  My father, the patriarch, provided for us and no one was allowed to work.  Women, my sister and I, were to help in the kitchen.   Men, my brother, were not.  That's just the way it was, not a bad thing but that's how we were raised because that's how my parents were raised.  Somehow, I never managed to learn how to cook.  For the most part my siblings and I didn't do much.  Our duties included some chores here and there and going to school to better ourselves.  I remember when I was in college I wasn't allowed to go out until I cleaned the bathroom.  I hated cleaning the bathroom.  Hated it!  Anyway, I grew up always trying to fight the double standard.  I didn't want to help in the kitchen and I didn't want to pick up after my brother.  I wanted to be an independent woman.  Despite my dad's expectations of me as a woman he always emphasized  the importance of an education because he never wanted me to rely on a man to provide for me.  He used to say that he was once a boy himself and he knew what the boys wanted and he wanted to make sure I never fell for any of it.  He and I have an extremely open relationship and I've always appreciated it.  I don't think I would have accomplished all that I've accomplished without the support of my family.  They've always had my back 100% and I love them for it.  I owe a lot of my traits and mannerisms to my parents.  I have always felt that aside from the gift of love the greatest gift my parents have given me is my heritage and culture.  I am so proud to be Mexican American and I am so proud of my last name.  I've accomplished so much under that name.  I've been married for 2.5 years and I have not changed my last name.  I've had that social security form for the last two years.  It's all filled out but the top portion where it asks me how I want my name to appear  . . .  I cannot fill it out! I feel confused.  I don't identify with that last name.  Everything I am and everything I know is because of the fundamentals my parents instilled in me.  I know it sounds horrible and I love my husband very much but do I have to take a last name that I've only known for 5 years and give up the one I've known for 30?! Of course my dad, being the traditional man that he is once told me I should definitely take my husband's last name.  I think I'm confused because my husband is not Mexican and I feel like once I take his last name I'll lose a part of my persona.  I'm trying to convince myself to change it.  I want our kids to have his last name so why shouldn't I? So I'm taking baby steps.  Last week I ordered a monogrammed bangle and I used his last name instead of mine.  I'm excited to wear it! One step at a time . . .

Vday Yuck!

I don't like Valentine's day.  It is a man made holiday, it makes people feel awkard and makes them feel obligated to celebrete something they should be celebrating every day.  Love.  You don't need a holiday to show someone you love them.  Is it even considered a Holiday? It makes single people feel inadequate, sad and lonely and it adds unecessary stress to couples.  It has never been noted in history that Saint Valentine was the Patron of lovers.  Ever.  It was taken from a fictional story.  I find it incredibly annoying that people buy into this hoopla.  It also annoys me when people say Valentime's day,  it's named after Saint Valentine! Not time! See, people don't even know the history behind it.  I liked Valentine's day as a child.  My parents would give us red balloons filled with Hershey Kisses.  I thought it was the coolest thing.  I think that may have only been once.  It was also fun at the time to exchange cards.  When V and I first started looking at engagemet rings, I had to specifically say that I did not want a proposal on Valentine's day.  So unoriginal and tacky, not romantic.  I expected a gift from him when we first started dating, but only because I needed to know if he would make the effort, and I was playing hard to get.  Somewhat.  After that I had to tell him I didn't really care for such a mainstream, commercialized Holiday.  I think he was relieved. 

Separate Assets, Separate lives?

Is it really fair to join all your assets once you get married?  Two become one, does that include bank accounts?  I acquired a significant debt while in grad school.  My husband worked three jobs to pay for his college tuition, why would I hold him accountable for my six figure school loan?   I want to drive a Mercedes, I pay for it.  Friends are always surprised to find that we have separate bank accounts, someone even referred to us as glorified roommates.  That's because we split all our bills.  We each cover our own expenses and anything we do together we divide evenly.  My husband keeps a spread sheet of all our expenses.  Every first of the month I give him what I owe.  I know it sounds strange, but it works. Even with my shopping problem we each have savings and we don't have any credit card debt.  That's because we hold each other accountable.  Do not buy anything if you can't afford it.  He's a lot riskier with his investments, I'm a bit more conservative.  Of course he tends to be a lot more conservative with his spending habits than me, but I think that's why he can afford to buy me awesome gifts!  When the children  come some things may have to change, but for now why should I have to give up my financial freedom?  Maybe once we have children we'll split them.  He'll cover the expenses for one and I'll cover the expenses for the other.  If we have a third we'll split it down the middle.

String Quartet at our wedding, it was beautiful.  

Marriage

The hardest adjustment was realizing that I was no longer dependent on my parents.  I was on my own.  With a man.  It was crazy!  I remember telling my dad:"it's so weird that I have to share a bed with a man and wake up next to him."  Yes, my dad and I talk about things.  He's the one who told me about the birds and the bees when I was 12.  I went from living at home to having two roommates to living with my husband. I realized that I could no longer depend on my dad the way I used to, now I had a life long partner.   The only man I ever trusted was my father.  I knew that no matter what happened at the end of the day he was going to love me and protect me.  Would the new man in my life do the same? Would he love me enough to deal with my imperfections?  It was so hard for me to believe that this new man could love me so much after so many didn't.  So far marriage is all that I've wanted it to be.  I realize that not every day is going to be perfect but communication, respect and compromise are key.  I'm learning not to dwell in the past, instead learn from it and move forward.  I hope that our bond grows stronger, that we always see the good in each other and that we love hard.  Isn't that all we want? Love? Someone to love us?

Feelings

I've decided to take one day at a time.  I've realized that the only certainty in my future is it's uncertainty.  Sometimes I wake up and I can't believe I'm living such a fulfilling life and I'm so happy, so why do I feel so anxious and sad? Am I scared?  Today I realized that one day I am going to die and I can't fear death anymore.  I'm fearful that I won't be ready and it scares me but I've realized that there's no point in worrying now.  I am healthy and I am happy.   That's all that matters.  My family is happy, my friends are happy , no one is sick.  I should be thankful and be living life to the fullest instead of worrying so much about a future that doesn't exist yet.  I don't want to worry my life away and not enjoy the things around me.  I want to have a family and I want to travel.  I can't let myself get in the way of those things.  A friend used to tell me that I was so emotional and fragile because I never dealt with any hardship in life, I don't think that's true.  I think we all deal with life's punches differently and sometimes certain things affect us more than others.  I am a bit more sensitive and emotional but I realized that those traits have made me more empathetic, and I have learned to enjoy and appreciate things a little more.  I want to have a sound mind and heart.  I should try yoga but I get so anxious during yoga! I feel like I am not breathing properly and I get really light headed.  Each day is so much better than the day before and I have learned to control my feelings a lot better.  I am so happy these days and so grateful.  I need to stop looking for the negative things in life and just focus on the positive.  :)

The Adjustment Bureau

I watched this movie over the summer and I really liked it! It got me thinking.  I've always believed in fate and "what's meant to be will be."  Growing up my dad would always say that God had already laid out our path, but is that entirely true? I don't know.  I think we all make our own path and maybe some things are predestined.  You know, everything happens for a reason.  I think that's true.  So here goes my story.  I am the oldest of 3.  I grew up loving sports because it's what my dad and I did.  I never really got into soccer but my little sister loves it.  Anyway, I've always watched sports and I've always had a good memory but for some reason the 1992 Superbowl with the Washington Redskins and the Buffalo Bills has always been embedded in my brain.  In 2005 every other celebrity had a Greek boyfriend.  Remember Paris and Paris?  My New Year's resolution in 2006 was to find a Greek boyfriend because it was the hottest accessory.  Later that year my best friend (and roommate) and I had a fall out and we did not speak for 9 months! I was miserable but I befriended A, who went on to introduce me to my husband.  Ok, so my husband happens to be from DC and he is Greek! Isn't that kind of weird?  It's almost like those things I wished for or remembered were little clues.  Why would I only remember the 1992 Superbowl?  If my roommate and I wouldn't have been fighting I would have never befriended A and she would have never introduced me to my husband, if my Grad school first choice hadn't wait listed me I would have never gone to Philadelphia where I met my roommate whom I had a fallout with and I would have never met A and I would have never met my husband.  It's hard to understand why things happen but I think there's always a silver lining.   It may be hard to see at first but it's always there.

Prince Charming

I've been married for 2.5 years.  My hubby and I are pretty compatible.  We got engaged after 18 months. We are very different but we mesh well.  Every other relationship I had or pseudo relationship was always so dramatic.  Being with him is effortless.  At first I was a bit confused.  I always thought drama was part of the equation and so sometimes I stir up a little bit of drama because, well, I am a bit of a drama queen.  One time I told my friends I wanted to take a drama class and one of them responded with:"What? You could teach the class." I am dramatic and I tend to be a little insecure so one day I asked my hubby: "What made you want to date me?" and he responded with:"You like sports, you are down to do anything, and you eat everything I feed you" . What?!?  Really?  That's it?  The entire time I thought men were looking for something more profound.  I expected something like: "I picture you as the mother of my unborn children, or I can see myself growing old with you, or you make everything in life worthwhile, or you light up the room when you walk in."  You know, the typical cliches but instead his answer was honest and refreshing.  I hear people say that love is complicated and I'm not sure how I feel about that.  Life is complicated and relationships are hard and require a lot of work, but love is one of the purest and unadulterated feelings anyone could possibly experience. My hubby's answer may not have been that of Prince Charming but I realized that sometimes you have to change the fairy tale to fit you, stop trying to fit into the fairy tale.  You are not Cinderella and your life is not a movie!  Make your own fairy tale! :0