Friday, March 16, 2012

Identity theft?

Friday, March 16, 2012
I come from a very traditional Mexican family.  My father, the patriarch, provided for us and no one was allowed to work.  Women, my sister and I, were to help in the kitchen.   Men, my brother, were not.  That's just the way it was, not a bad thing but that's how we were raised because that's how my parents were raised.  Somehow, I never managed to learn how to cook.  For the most part my siblings and I didn't do much.  Our duties included some chores here and there and going to school to better ourselves.  I remember when I was in college I wasn't allowed to go out until I cleaned the bathroom.  I hated cleaning the bathroom.  Hated it!  Anyway, I grew up always trying to fight the double standard.  I didn't want to help in the kitchen and I didn't want to pick up after my brother.  I wanted to be an independent woman.  Despite my dad's expectations of me as a woman he always emphasized  the importance of an education because he never wanted me to rely on a man to provide for me.  He used to say that he was once a boy himself and he knew what the boys wanted and he wanted to make sure I never fell for any of it.  He and I have an extremely open relationship and I've always appreciated it.  I don't think I would have accomplished all that I've accomplished without the support of my family.  They've always had my back 100% and I love them for it.  I owe a lot of my traits and mannerisms to my parents.  I have always felt that aside from the gift of love the greatest gift my parents have given me is my heritage and culture.  I am so proud to be Mexican American and I am so proud of my last name.  I've accomplished so much under that name.  I've been married for 2.5 years and I have not changed my last name.  I've had that social security form for the last two years.  It's all filled out but the top portion where it asks me how I want my name to appear  . . .  I cannot fill it out! I feel confused.  I don't identify with that last name.  Everything I am and everything I know is because of the fundamentals my parents instilled in me.  I know it sounds horrible and I love my husband very much but do I have to take a last name that I've only known for 5 years and give up the one I've known for 30?! Of course my dad, being the traditional man that he is once told me I should definitely take my husband's last name.  I think I'm confused because my husband is not Mexican and I feel like once I take his last name I'll lose a part of my persona.  I'm trying to convince myself to change it.  I want our kids to have his last name so why shouldn't I? So I'm taking baby steps.  Last week I ordered a monogrammed bangle and I used his last name instead of mine.  I'm excited to wear it! One step at a time . . .

1 comment:

  1. I have not changed my last name either. My family actually supports me on keeping my last name. I think it's because they are too proud of it. Besides, everywhere we go people think he is a Gonzalez. When the topic of me changing my last name came up, I told my husband that if he wanted my last name changed, he better start thinking about having his changed too. We came to the agreement that if we had kids, they would have both our last names. If I ever change it, I may just hyphenate it. I suppose I lack the urge to follow the norm to it's entirety.

    Take care,


AlmaKnack © 2014