The Big C

The days following my mom's diagnosis are a big blur.  I remember feeling sad and angry.  Helpless.  Waking up not remembering the day before and for a brief moment thinking everything was normal.  Until I realized it wasn't and I couldn't breathe.  Last week everything seemed like it was going to be ok.  Start radiation at MD Anderson and start chemo with her oncologist.  That was the plan (still is).  Every week she's had either a consult, an MRI, a CT scan, blood work, genetics etc. etc.  She's tired and her mouth is dry because of the Keppra she's taking.  She developed seizures after her brain tumor was removed.  We've been praying a lot.  Friends and relatives call her every day.  She has visitors and flowers.  People really care about her and that makes us feel good. 

Well, it turns out the seizures could have developed because her tumor has grown back.  My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.  It metastasized to her brain causing her right arm and leg to weaken.  The tumor was removed on April 20th and she was to start radiation.  Today is May 27th and it's back and she is having surgery today because her neurosurgeon doesn't think it's wise to wait for the radiation as we don't know when that will be! 

Her next appointment with the oncologist is June 6th.  She starts chemo June 26th.  We are just waiting on the MD Anderson appointment for the radiation.  It's really annoying that we have to wait this long. 

She's so strong and she looks fine.  She has this horrible disease and she looks normal.  I'm not a parent yet.  I'm someone's child and as a child I've always relied on my parents for protection and reassurance.  Knowing that if my parents had my back everything would be ok.  Who do I rely on now? I can't run to mom and dad for a hug and expect them to tell me everything's going to be ok because we don't know if it will be but surprisingly I've been doing ok.  I haven't fallen apart yet which says a lot.  I'm a known worrier and I am plagued with paranoia but for some reason I feel calm and I feel in my heart that she will be ok.  I think that's what they call faith.  My dad, the strong silent type has been relying on us (my siblings and I) for reassurance and comfort.

I have to be strong for everyone in my family.  My siblings have been so good too.  My mom smiles everyday.  She says that her faith is strong and it will see her through.  She's so cute.  I wish everyone could meet my mom.  She's such a happy and cute lady.  She's going to be fine.  I know it.  I believe it.
 
I'll be back to my regular random self in a few days.  I have to blog about all the awesome designer sales after all.  :)