The happiest place on earth

The holidays are magical, wonderful . . . families and friends get together and everyone seems to be in high, happy spirits. . . for the most part. The holidays can also be difficult when dealing with a loss or when you miss someone. It can be a very sensitive time for a lot of people. So this year we decided to visit Orlando. I rented a house on airbnb and we drove here.  Yup, 14 hours.  We split the trip in two days.  We stopped in Pensacola the first night and arrived at our destination by 5 pm the next day.  I am so proud of our little men, they are such good travelers (knock on wood).

We visited the Magic Kingdom yesterday. We've been twice in two years but this time Niko enjoyed it so much more. He's a bit older and loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He was so happy meeting his favorite characters. I must say I felt truly happy and blessed to be spending the holiday with my family in such a magical place. My dad, sister and my brother and his family are also here. It's been great and when I think about my mom I think of how happy she must be watching us spend the holidays together in such a great place. Everyone must visit Disney during the holidays it's absolutely beautiful and so much fun. 

I wish everyone a joyous season filled with love, laughter and kindness.

xoxoxo

Mom woes

You know how when you have a second baby everyone says that they don't care as much as they did with the first? Like they let the second one eat off the floor and stuff like that. lol.  I don't know how that's true! I feel like I am even more paranoid with my second.  I feel like it's a second chance to be a better mom.  All the things I did not do with my first I want to do with my second and I want to be better at everything else.  So for example with Niko I did not take monthly pics but with Liam I do and he wears theme outfits.  For Niko I started supplementing with formula at about 5 months and stopped breast feeding entirely at 9 months.  With Liam I am still breast feeding and pumping and there are times when I want to give up.  There are times when I want to buy formula.  We were in DC and we bought some just as back up and I was so tempted to just switch over but I have not.  So my mornings can be a little hectic.  I have to pump, feed him and get him ready because I take him to work with me.  While at work I have to take time to either pump or breast feed.  It can be exhausting.  Last night he breastfed for like 45 minutes.  He won't go to sleep without it and I cannot put him to bed until he's done or else forget about it, it's a hot mess.  There are soooo many times I just want to give it up but I won't.  I think of Dory in finding Nemo and how she's singing just keep swimming so I sing just keep feeding, just keep feeding, just keep feeding, feeding, feeding . . . and it works.

I love my babies so much! They are so cute.  They just started playing together and it's the cutest thing ever.  Liam just cracks up at his older brother and tries to steal his milk.  This little man really likes milk.

That's all I got for now!

xoxoxo

Random little thoughts

As I sit on the apron waiting to take off I find myself reflecting on the past week's events and one in particular stands out. One that may sound silly to some but is of incredible significance to me. So here it is . . . I bought my first deodorant. What?! Come again?!  You see, my mom has (had) always bought me deodorant. It was one of those little things she always did. She always bought them in bulk. Since I was 12 and started wearing it I've never bought my own. When I went away to grad school I would come home to stacks on stacks of deodorant, even when I moved to the DC area I would come home and there they were . . . always on my dresser or in my Christmas stocking. Well, I ran out a few weeks ago and I could not bring myself to buy any so I used my hubby's for a while and I hated it but I wasn't ready to go out on my own and buy some. The thought made me sad, sick even but I finally took the leap last week. I walked into the CVS on route 50 in Falls Church, Virginia and bought one. Secret the original powder kind. I've never had to think about what deodorant to wear because my mom always bought the right one.  I know it probably makes me sound like a brat but now she's not here and I guess that last stick was like one last remnant of her and now it's gone and it makes me sad because she's gone and she'll never buy me deodorant or anything else again because she's not here. She's gone forever and it sucks. It sucks so hard to not have a mom. So I hold my little ones close every day and hold them tight and I just want to be the best mom. Just like my mom was to me. I love my little men and my little family. That's it.  The End.

xoxoxo