Excited!

Exciting news my friends!  I don't know why I post things on my blog like I'm a celebrity.  lol.  Anyway, V and I are happy to announce that we are expecting our first baby! That's right, the world (our friends, family . . . not really the world) has been anxiously waiting for this day.  I am 20 weeks and doing well.

So far my first trimester was hellish.  Morning sickness every day all day.  I hate that queasy feeling.  I even bought the sea bands not sure if they worked.  I drank ginger tea, ate the saltines, drank water, everything but nothing seemed to really work.  I felt car sick every time I was in a car.  I was super tired.  I felt hungover for 8 consecutive weeks but now I'm all better.  I'm just battling a cold.  I am super excited to start showing.  I have a tiny belly.  I just look bloated all the time.  I lost 5 lbs my first trimester because of all the sickness and so far since then I've only gained 2 lbs but the baby is developing properly. 

Oh, my usually flawless skin is no longer flawless.  I have acne.  No me gusta!

We just wanted to share our exciting news with everyone! We are super excited!

 

Our pregnancy announcement!

 

The Big C

The days following my mom's diagnosis are a big blur.  I remember feeling sad and angry.  Helpless.  Waking up not remembering the day before and for a brief moment thinking everything was normal.  Until I realized it wasn't and I couldn't breathe.  Last week everything seemed like it was going to be ok.  Start radiation at MD Anderson and start chemo with her oncologist.  That was the plan (still is).  Every week she's had either a consult, an MRI, a CT scan, blood work, genetics etc. etc.  She's tired and her mouth is dry because of the Keppra she's taking.  She developed seizures after her brain tumor was removed.  We've been praying a lot.  Friends and relatives call her every day.  She has visitors and flowers.  People really care about her and that makes us feel good. 

Well, it turns out the seizures could have developed because her tumor has grown back.  My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.  It metastasized to her brain causing her right arm and leg to weaken.  The tumor was removed on April 20th and she was to start radiation.  Today is May 27th and it's back and she is having surgery today because her neurosurgeon doesn't think it's wise to wait for the radiation as we don't know when that will be! 

Her next appointment with the oncologist is June 6th.  She starts chemo June 26th.  We are just waiting on the MD Anderson appointment for the radiation.  It's really annoying that we have to wait this long. 

She's so strong and she looks fine.  She has this horrible disease and she looks normal.  I'm not a parent yet.  I'm someone's child and as a child I've always relied on my parents for protection and reassurance.  Knowing that if my parents had my back everything would be ok.  Who do I rely on now? I can't run to mom and dad for a hug and expect them to tell me everything's going to be ok because we don't know if it will be but surprisingly I've been doing ok.  I haven't fallen apart yet which says a lot.  I'm a known worrier and I am plagued with paranoia but for some reason I feel calm and I feel in my heart that she will be ok.  I think that's what they call faith.  My dad, the strong silent type has been relying on us (my siblings and I) for reassurance and comfort.

I have to be strong for everyone in my family.  My siblings have been so good too.  My mom smiles everyday.  She says that her faith is strong and it will see her through.  She's so cute.  I wish everyone could meet my mom.  She's such a happy and cute lady.  She's going to be fine.  I know it.  I believe it.
 
I'll be back to my regular random self in a few days.  I have to blog about all the awesome designer sales after all.  :)

Optimism

Merriam-Webster defines Optimism as:
1. a doctrine that this world is the best possible world
2. an inclination to put the most favorable construction upon actions and events or to anticipate the best possible outcome

When faced with life changing events I can't help but worry.  I worry all the time and then I realized why . . . because I'm an idealist.  Life SHOULD be a certain way but it's not and that's my problem, I cannot accept the fact that life isn't the way it should.  For example: people shouldn't be racist.  People shouldn't be greedy.  People should be nice.  People should be thoughtful.  People shouldn't be corrupt.  I don't understand these eternal optimists.  I'm a positive person too and I always want the best and hope for the best but I just can't accept the fact that at this particular time the situation that I am in is the optimal situation at the moment.  I cannot accept that.  I can't accept that everything is as it should be because it shouldn't be this way. 

When being faced with a glass of water an optimist will say the glass is half full and a pessimist will say the glass is half empty.  Well, I'm not satisfied with any of those answers.  The glass should be full.  It should always be full! Why can't you just go get some more water and fill it? I don't understand why I would just settle and accept that my life is at it's best right now.  I was happy with my job but I wanted to open a practice (glass half full) so I opened a practice (glass full).  One semester I needed to make all Bs in class to pass (glass half full) so I studied and made the grades (glass full).  The problem now is that my mom is sick and I can't fill the glass with water because I don't know how to make her better aside from what her doctor's have said.  Unless, I find the cure for cancer the glass will have to remain half full and that's very hard for me to accept because I'm used to making things happen and I can't do anything right now.  Nothing.  I have to come up with something.

I've always pitied optimists because they settle.  They make the best out of any situation, instead of trying to change things they accept life as it is and think everything will be all right, but now that's all I'm left with.  Optimism.  Optimism and hope.  Hope that everything will be ok.  And it will be ok because it has to be. 

At least I know the glass will never be half empty. 

Can you tell the difference between either?

Forgiveness

I recently read that LeBron James is still one of America's most disliked athletes.  I guess people aren't over the whole Cleveland thing or maybe they're still pissed off over "The Decision." On the bright side the money made off the ESPN special was donated to charity. What he should have done was trademark the phrase"taking my talents to South Beach".

This whole LeBron situation got me thinking. People need to stop harboring negative feelings. I know LeBron is criticized for the way he handled the situation (and for his receding hairline, there's an entire facebook group on the subject) but who cares? This happened over two years ago!! Really? I can't help but to blame myself a little though. Every time I meet someone from Cleveland I ask if they're still mad. I should stop instigating. LeBron, if you ever read this just know that I got your back bro!

Forgiveness. Why is it so hard for us to forgive? That's all the world needs. Is it naive of me to think that we can put our differences aside and just move forward. After all, how do we expect to be forgiven if we, ourselves, cannot forgive?  In my case it's so hard to forgive sometimes because I want the other person to acknowledge their culpability.  I deal with my wrongs so why can't you? I've learned however that it's better to just get over it.  Don't you know that resentment and anger lead to stress which can then lead to hypertension and/or heart disease and you can DIE.  I'm not lying.  The Mayo Clinic agrees. 

You can forgive without denying that their actions hurt you and without excusing their behavior. Meaning you can forgive and not reconcile, if they hurt you, you may not want them in your life. That's understandable.  When you forgive you simply choose to release the anger and resentment (and in most cases the need to retalliate) and move on.  Studies show that witholding forgiveness actually leads to unhealthy relationships in the future as you tend to bring in negativity into the relationship.  Also, couples who forgive tend to be happier.  The choice is yours.  What's it gonna be?

Tips on how to forgive from the Mayo Clinic website:

Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time

Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being

When you're ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you

Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life *

Consider this your PSA of the day, tootles!

Onto more recent LeBron news. He's upset he'll be missing the superbowl because he'll be flying on the Heat's private plane which is  not equipped with Wi-fi or satellite. Cry me a damn river!

* Courtesy of www.mayoclinic.com Adult health.
** I forgot how to write a proper bibliography




Not my pic.  Courtesy of the world wide web. 

New Kids on the blog . . .

By now everybody knows that New Kids on the Block, 98 degrees and Boys II Men are going on tour together!!!  You can read it here.  I am truly excited about this.  I was in 6th grade and I remember belting out the words to "I'll make love to you" every time the song played on the radio.  I'm glad my parents speak English as a second language or else I would have been banned from listening to the radio for life!  When I was 8 years old I watched the NKOTB cartoon religiously (and ate tuna fish sandwiches) . The memories are all coming back! Music is relatable.  Music is influential.  Music is life.  Music is art.

I remember being really sad when my high school boyfriend and I broke up and every time I heard Truly, Madly, Deeply I'd go into a crying frenzy.  I realize what a big role music plays in all our lives and therefore decided to blog about the songs that would be featured in My Life: the first 30 years.  My Life the movie.

This soundtrack would be split into 3 main volumes.

Volume 1: The Early years 1982-1992
Happy, care free, naive, first crushes
1. CCR: Proud Mary
2. Any Topo Gigio song
3. NKOTB: You got it (the right stuff)
4. MC Hammer: Can't touch this
5. Fito Olivares: La Gallinita
6. Selena: Bidi bidi bom bom
7. Bruno Mars: The Lazy song
8. Natasha Bedingfield: Pocket full of sunshine


Volume 2: Growing Pains 1992 - 2002
Death, Hip-hop, boys, religion, heartbreak, fun, life decisions
1. Bone Thugs and Harmony: Crossroads
2. Warren G: Regulator
3. Simon and Garfunkel: The Sound of Silence
3. Chayanne: Tiempo de Vals - I celebrated my Quinceanera and transitioned into womanhood!
4. Lauryn Hill: Ex-Factor
5. Kylie Minogue: Can't get you out of my head
6. Cyndi Lauper: Girls just want to have fun 
7. Kanye West: Jesus Walks
8. Five For Fighting: 100 years


Volume 3: Life as we know it 2002-2012
Sadness, happiness, struggles, love, marriage, future
1. India Arie: Strength, Courage and Wisdom
2. Frank Sinatra: My Way
3. Deanna Carter: Strawberry Wine
4. Jeff Buckley: Hallelujah
5. Bon Jovi: Living on a prayer
6. Elvis: Fools fall in love
7. Alicia Keys: Brand new me
8. Frank Sinatra: The best is yet to come
Bonus Track. Eric Clapton: Wonderful tonight

Do you have a life soundtrack . . . What is it?

courtesy of people.com

Unrequited love

What's up with Keira Knightley and ALL her period movies?  Will I ever see her in a normal C rated movie?  Anyway, I love you Keira! One of my favorite Keira Knightley movies has to be Love Actually.  I absolutely love that movie.

My favorite scene:

Unrequited love *sigh*.  A syndrome we all suffer from at one point in life.  I remember spending a great deal of my 20s longing for the admiration of "Mr. Wrong."  Looking back he was kind of gross but my enamored soul was in denial.  I remember S telling me numerous times: "He doesn't like you, he doesn't want to be with you". It may sound harsh but it really wasn't.  I should have listened to her instead of spending countless hours hoping and praying he would fall in love with me.  He never did.  It was heartbreaking.  How could I, a logical person, fall for the "wrong guy"?  I was friendly, funny,smart, witty . . . what was I missing?  Nothing.  I wasn't missing anything.  Mr. Wrong just wasn't the guy for me.  Obviously or we'd be together.  But how could my 20 something year old soul realize that?  There's no logic or reason behind our feelings.  If we could logically sort through our feelings we'd never suffer heartbreak or love for that matter.  I finally accepted the fact that "He just wasn't into me" and gave myself time to grieve and finally moved on.  Time heals all wounds doesn't it?  It sure does.  If waiting it out isn't your thing here's a helpful guide: How to get over unrequited love in 10 easy steps.  

Looking back I am thankful nothing ever happened.  I went on to marry a great and caring man who loves me unconditionally.  So for all those loving souls out there don't forget that things always happen for a reason.  You may not know it yet but soon you'll see.

Years later when I was engaged "he" made contact.  All of a sudden I'd become the woman he wanted me to be.  A little too late.  All I ever wanted was a declaration of love and when I finally received it, it didn't matter anymore.  

Bucket List

A friend of mine once told me that adopting a baby was on her bucket list. I was like whaaaa? That sounds more like a life's mission or a dream or a goal even. It's like me saying: I want to stop world hunger. That doesn't belong on a bucket list.  That's a lifetime's work.

My bucket list doesn't include anything fancy like climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. My friend TS accomplished that already and I chose to live vicariously through him. He showed me pictures. Good enough for me.

I never really thought about the idea of a bucket list until I read a fellow blogger's bucket list (read here) and I felt inspired!

Here goes . . . in no particular order.

1. Visit the Great Sphinx and the pyramids of Giza.  Mission accomplished October 2009.

2. Float in the Dead sea.

3. Travel to Switzerland and purchase a Tag Heuer and eat Emmental cheese (real swiss cheese).

4. Visit London and reenact scenes from Bridget Jones' Diary. Particularly the one of her out in the snow in her underwear.

5. Visit London and reenact scenes from Love Actually during Christmas time.

6. Go on an African Safari.

7. Visit the Grand Canyon. I've never been!

8. Go on every Duck Tour in the USA.

9. Ride a donkey up the cliff in Santorini. Mission accomplished October 2009.

10. Go to a world cup.

11. Travel to Paris, smoke cigarettes, eat patisseries, buy a Chanel something from a vintage shop and make love to the view of the Eiffel tower.

12. Learn to play an instrument.

13. Learn to speak Greek.

14. Go on a mission!

15. Meet Karl Lagerfeld.

16. Go to a Garth Brooks concert.

That's all I can think of for now. I'll keep you posted!


What's on your bucket list?

Santorini 

Great Sphinx 

Eiffel tower

Bridget Jones

Karl Lagerfeld

Switzerland 

The joys of marriage

I recently discovered the joys of marriage. I'd like to share a few.

Handyman, cook, best friend all in one: my husband.

No need to shave my legs more than once a week because he doesn't care and despite of what we may see in the movies our passionate love making doesn't include him running his hands up and down my legs.  Side note: Shave your legs at least once a week though.

Knowing that I am no longer alone and that there's someone who loves me unconditionally other than my immediate family . . . at least for the time being.

Someone to discuss bowel movements with . . . this is what my husband does and I have no choice but to listen but now he thinks I am the best listener.  Yay me!

Pillow talk . . . this is probably my favorite.

Compromise and negotiation.  Growing up my parents dictated the rules and I followed them.  I tried to negotiate once but my dad caught on that I wasn't trying to keep up my end of the bargain and all negotiations were terminated.  My hubby hasn't caught on yet . . . sneaky, sneaky me but he thinks I'm cute so I'm good . . . for now.

I make up random celebrations ie: day-versaries, monthaversaries etc. etc.

I've learned that even though I consider V a good husband for a number of reasons, he's kind, he's patient, he's loyal, he takes care of me etc. etc., he only thinks I'm a good wife because I don't bitch about him watching football Thursday- Monday ( I don't for the most part), I listen to his funny stories and I don't complain about much.  Oh, he also says I'm a good wife because I care about him and I understand him.  That came as an after thought.

I think it's good that he considers me a good wife for those reasons though because I'm obviously a good woman or else he wouldn't have married me but it's those little things that make a difference.  Who wants to be someone who complains all the time? Why am I going to pick a fight over something petty?  It doesn't make sense.  I mean, I may once in a while if I am starving for attention but that brings excitement to our day to day routine so my dramatisms* are actually a plus in this relationship.  Once you're married you have to learn to pick your battles.  Trust.

Oh, the first year of living together sucked by the way.  I think George Carlin said it best: Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?

It's hard being lovers and friends.  It's hard being partners.  It's mostly hard because I can be really self involved sometimes but thankfully I've found a man who thinks my random rants are cute . . . I think everything about him is cute.

By the way we've only been married three years and we don't have any kids yet.  I'll keep you posted on how I feel in a few months.

*dramatisms - dramatic antics.

And now the pics . . .

We had our weekly date night.  Guess what I wore? My onesie.  I paired it with a black boyfriend blazer and black booties . . .

Aqua blazer similar one found here.

I'm not crazy . . . YAY!

Remember the very first time you called a crush?  Your heart was beating so fast you felt like it was going to beat right out of your chest.  Well, that's how I feel EVERYTIME I have to make a phone call.  I can talk for hours on the phone if a close friend or a family member calls me but they have to call me because it takes a lot for me to pick up the phone and call someone.  For years I've been avoiding making phone calls.  Now as an adult my husband has to call and schedule all of my appointments because even calling my doctor's office is a huge ordeal.  My heart races, I get shortness of breath.  The works.  Even calling my mom is hard.  I wait for her to call me or if it's been a while since I've spoken to her I call her and it's not that I'm avoiding her, but the thought of picking up the phone paralyzes me.  There's maybe five people I can have long conversations with on the phone and that's after they call me.  There are so many friends that I want to call and say: Hi, how are you? but I can't.  Last night I was telling my friend about it and she said: that's strange, why don't you google it.  So I did.  Don't you just love google? I googled: phone anxiety and BAM! I'm not the only one.  According to one of the websites, www.allaboutcounseling.com, "Telephone phobia is marked by an unreasonable and extreme fear of taking or making phone calls. While many people may encounter phone calls that will naturally make them nervous (such as a telephone job interview or a call from a doctor), someone with a telephone phobia actually has a deep-rooted social phobia or social anxiety disorder that makes most or every phone conversation a source of fear or angst."  I always thought it was just me but it's not and I'm sure there's a lot more people who suffer from it but are too embarrassed to say anything because when you tell someone "oh, I'm sorry I haven't returned your call because I have a phone fear" it sounds crazy.  Well there's no need to be embarrassed anymore.  Learn all about phone fear and how to treat it here. Here's another link with information.  I am so happy I found all this.  Now if only I could find a celebrity to bring awareness to the situation.  Oh wait, I googled and what do you know?  Kanye may have it too.  I found it here. 

I read that pictures attract more readers to blogs but I have no pictures for this one so instead I leave you with Lady Gaga and Beyonce . . . . Telephone

Help.

Previously I mentioned that I wanted to volunteer.  So I started my research.  Just a general google search: Volunteer opportunities.  BAM! So much.  The more I looked into it the harder it seemed.  I thought I could pick a place and go volunteer.  Done but no.  I found this great website:www.volunteermatch.org.  You can search opportunities by city or state.  It was so hard for me to find a place to volunteer because a lot of them require a 6 month to a year commitment which I cannot commit to right now.  A lot of the opportunities require a background check.  I had no idea but I guess that makes sense.  I used to volunteer at a soup kitchen with an organization I was a part of in college and someone would just set up a date and we'd show up.  I guess it's a little more complicated now.  I was feeling a bit discouraged but then I came across another website www.volunteerguide.org.  I like this one a lot better.  It gives you ideas based on the time you want to spend . . . minutes, hours, volunteer vacations: 1 week, 2  weeks, up to 4 weeks.  The opportunities range from simple things like donating your out of date glasses to more elaborate projects like building a school.  You can donate glasses to the Lion's Club or mail them directly to New Eyes for the Needy.  After scouring the site for ideas I settled on something small but that I feel would make a great difference.  I decided to send happy mail to a sick child.  Hugs and Hope and Post Pals are organizations who feature recipients.  Post Pals is based in the UK so I decided to stick to Hugs and Hope which features children all across the US.  I chose a young boy who suffers from retinoblastoma, eye cancer.  He likes music so I decided to send him a radio so that he can listen to his favorite radio station.  Instead of sending him a plain greeting card I wrote him and his parents a note and made him a bag.  He can use it as a lunch bag or as a trick or treating bag next month.  I will mail it tomorrow.  I hope he likes it!   I have decided that I will go through the list and each week send someone something.  Hopefully I can brighten someone's day.  If you'd like to help make sure you read all the guidelines and the kids bios.   I think this is a good start to my volunteering career.  After this I'll start looking into more time consuming projects.  What do you think? 

Today

I'm a very anxious person. The slightest thing can cause inner turmoil. I've had three panic attacks within the last three years.  The most recent was 2 weeks ago.  Thankfully they don't last very long. I'm reluctant to take any meds since it doesn't happen too often.  Lately I've been trying my best to relax. I'm teaching myself to breathe. It turns out I wasn't breathing properly. When you  breathe you should breathe into your stomach not your chest. I had no idea!  I remember once asking my sister if she had to remind herself  to breathe.  She responded with: "No Almita.  If you're not breathing you're dead."  Working out helps a lot too. Especially running. I love to run even though I'm not the best runner.  I have discontinued caffeine for the most part. I'm down to one or two cups a week vs. 2 cups a day. So far so good. I try my best to make a list and follow it.  I try to take it one day at a time.

Today I decided to go to the gym and then get a pedi. Relax time I thought. Not! Like I said before, the slightest thing can cause anxiety. I walk in and I pick a color. Then I see my usual technician, A, with another client. Ok no big deal.  Should I wait? It's 7:23 and they close at 8. Oh, there's B. She's helped me too so I go with B. Then A sees me. I'm so embarrassed but I say hi and we chat. Is that rude? I'm usually very loyal but I didn't have time to wait.  I'm getting my nails done and I couldn't relax.  I kept imagining all the things A was thinking of me. Was she thinking of how rude I was for not waiting for her?  Was she mad? Too much! I read my magazine and got a pedi.  That's what I was there for.  I'm actually happy I experienced that.  Any other day I would have walked out and gone to another place.  I know A's schedule so at one point I was going in on her day off.   That way I wouldn't run the risk of her being there with another client and me being faced with the decision of waiting for her or seeing someone else.  I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to most people but to me it is but I am happy to say I'm getting a lot better.

Instead of posting pics of my feet to show off my new pedicure I decided to share three of my favorite summer shoes.

Starting with Miu Miu.  I looove Miu Miu! I rolled down a flight of stairs in these shoes on NYE 2010 and now I have a scar.  That was the night I decided I would never to wear heels if I was pregnant.  I love the neutral color and the studs.  I've worn these with cocktail dresses, jeans and even shorts.  Love!

Now onto Stuart Weitzman.  I love these jellies.  So comfy and not plain at all.  I love the sparkly detail.  Perfect for a summer bbq, the beach or even the mall.  

Zara has stepped up their shoe game.  I am obsessed with these neon thick heeled shoes! Just the perfect pop of color to spice up any outfit.  

Identity theft?

I come from a very traditional Mexican family.  My father, the patriarch, provided for us and no one was allowed to work.  Women, my sister and I, were to help in the kitchen.   Men, my brother, were not.  That's just the way it was, not a bad thing but that's how we were raised because that's how my parents were raised.  Somehow, I never managed to learn how to cook.  For the most part my siblings and I didn't do much.  Our duties included some chores here and there and going to school to better ourselves.  I remember when I was in college I wasn't allowed to go out until I cleaned the bathroom.  I hated cleaning the bathroom.  Hated it!  Anyway, I grew up always trying to fight the double standard.  I didn't want to help in the kitchen and I didn't want to pick up after my brother.  I wanted to be an independent woman.  Despite my dad's expectations of me as a woman he always emphasized  the importance of an education because he never wanted me to rely on a man to provide for me.  He used to say that he was once a boy himself and he knew what the boys wanted and he wanted to make sure I never fell for any of it.  He and I have an extremely open relationship and I've always appreciated it.  I don't think I would have accomplished all that I've accomplished without the support of my family.  They've always had my back 100% and I love them for it.  I owe a lot of my traits and mannerisms to my parents.  I have always felt that aside from the gift of love the greatest gift my parents have given me is my heritage and culture.  I am so proud to be Mexican American and I am so proud of my last name.  I've accomplished so much under that name.  I've been married for 2.5 years and I have not changed my last name.  I've had that social security form for the last two years.  It's all filled out but the top portion where it asks me how I want my name to appear  . . .  I cannot fill it out! I feel confused.  I don't identify with that last name.  Everything I am and everything I know is because of the fundamentals my parents instilled in me.  I know it sounds horrible and I love my husband very much but do I have to take a last name that I've only known for 5 years and give up the one I've known for 30?! Of course my dad, being the traditional man that he is once told me I should definitely take my husband's last name.  I think I'm confused because my husband is not Mexican and I feel like once I take his last name I'll lose a part of my persona.  I'm trying to convince myself to change it.  I want our kids to have his last name so why shouldn't I? So I'm taking baby steps.  Last week I ordered a monogrammed bangle and I used his last name instead of mine.  I'm excited to wear it! One step at a time . . .

Babies

Everyone around me is having a baby! Of course that poses the question: when will I have a baby? I don't know. I want a baby but I don't feel ready but then again will I ever be ready? All I keep thinking is the longer I prolong having a baby the less time I have to spend with said baby. It creates such anxiety in my life. What makes anyone ready to have a baby? Finances? Life goals? Career goals? Sometimes I feel society puts so much stress on women to procreate but I realize that as we age the complications increase. It's so much to deal with on my own sometimes, not to mention the added stress from family members and my ob-gyn who is a firm advocate of women having children before the age of 35. Am I being selfish? When will it ever be the right time? My close friend says to me: "there's people in worse financial or career situations than you are and they're having babies." That's not reassuring. I have a few more personal goals I want to achieve before I'm ready. Then again, life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. I hope time doesn't pass me by and I wake up 12 years from now with no babies and no one to dedicate my life to.

Vday Yuck!

I don't like Valentine's day.  It is a man made holiday, it makes people feel awkard and makes them feel obligated to celebrete something they should be celebrating every day.  Love.  You don't need a holiday to show someone you love them.  Is it even considered a Holiday? It makes single people feel inadequate, sad and lonely and it adds unecessary stress to couples.  It has never been noted in history that Saint Valentine was the Patron of lovers.  Ever.  It was taken from a fictional story.  I find it incredibly annoying that people buy into this hoopla.  It also annoys me when people say Valentime's day,  it's named after Saint Valentine! Not time! See, people don't even know the history behind it.  I liked Valentine's day as a child.  My parents would give us red balloons filled with Hershey Kisses.  I thought it was the coolest thing.  I think that may have only been once.  It was also fun at the time to exchange cards.  When V and I first started looking at engagemet rings, I had to specifically say that I did not want a proposal on Valentine's day.  So unoriginal and tacky, not romantic.  I expected a gift from him when we first started dating, but only because I needed to know if he would make the effort, and I was playing hard to get.  Somewhat.  After that I had to tell him I didn't really care for such a mainstream, commercialized Holiday.  I think he was relieved. 

Separate Assets, Separate lives?

Is it really fair to join all your assets once you get married?  Two become one, does that include bank accounts?  I acquired a significant debt while in grad school.  My husband worked three jobs to pay for his college tuition, why would I hold him accountable for my six figure school loan?   I want to drive a Mercedes, I pay for it.  Friends are always surprised to find that we have separate bank accounts, someone even referred to us as glorified roommates.  That's because we split all our bills.  We each cover our own expenses and anything we do together we divide evenly.  My husband keeps a spread sheet of all our expenses.  Every first of the month I give him what I owe.  I know it sounds strange, but it works. Even with my shopping problem we each have savings and we don't have any credit card debt.  That's because we hold each other accountable.  Do not buy anything if you can't afford it.  He's a lot riskier with his investments, I'm a bit more conservative.  Of course he tends to be a lot more conservative with his spending habits than me, but I think that's why he can afford to buy me awesome gifts!  When the children  come some things may have to change, but for now why should I have to give up my financial freedom?  Maybe once we have children we'll split them.  He'll cover the expenses for one and I'll cover the expenses for the other.  If we have a third we'll split it down the middle.

String Quartet at our wedding, it was beautiful.  

Feelings

I've decided to take one day at a time.  I've realized that the only certainty in my future is it's uncertainty.  Sometimes I wake up and I can't believe I'm living such a fulfilling life and I'm so happy, so why do I feel so anxious and sad? Am I scared?  Today I realized that one day I am going to die and I can't fear death anymore.  I'm fearful that I won't be ready and it scares me but I've realized that there's no point in worrying now.  I am healthy and I am happy.   That's all that matters.  My family is happy, my friends are happy , no one is sick.  I should be thankful and be living life to the fullest instead of worrying so much about a future that doesn't exist yet.  I don't want to worry my life away and not enjoy the things around me.  I want to have a family and I want to travel.  I can't let myself get in the way of those things.  A friend used to tell me that I was so emotional and fragile because I never dealt with any hardship in life, I don't think that's true.  I think we all deal with life's punches differently and sometimes certain things affect us more than others.  I am a bit more sensitive and emotional but I realized that those traits have made me more empathetic, and I have learned to enjoy and appreciate things a little more.  I want to have a sound mind and heart.  I should try yoga but I get so anxious during yoga! I feel like I am not breathing properly and I get really light headed.  Each day is so much better than the day before and I have learned to control my feelings a lot better.  I am so happy these days and so grateful.  I need to stop looking for the negative things in life and just focus on the positive.  :)

The Adjustment Bureau

I watched this movie over the summer and I really liked it! It got me thinking.  I've always believed in fate and "what's meant to be will be."  Growing up my dad would always say that God had already laid out our path, but is that entirely true? I don't know.  I think we all make our own path and maybe some things are predestined.  You know, everything happens for a reason.  I think that's true.  So here goes my story.  I am the oldest of 3.  I grew up loving sports because it's what my dad and I did.  I never really got into soccer but my little sister loves it.  Anyway, I've always watched sports and I've always had a good memory but for some reason the 1992 Superbowl with the Washington Redskins and the Buffalo Bills has always been embedded in my brain.  In 2005 every other celebrity had a Greek boyfriend.  Remember Paris and Paris?  My New Year's resolution in 2006 was to find a Greek boyfriend because it was the hottest accessory.  Later that year my best friend (and roommate) and I had a fall out and we did not speak for 9 months! I was miserable but I befriended A, who went on to introduce me to my husband.  Ok, so my husband happens to be from DC and he is Greek! Isn't that kind of weird?  It's almost like those things I wished for or remembered were little clues.  Why would I only remember the 1992 Superbowl?  If my roommate and I wouldn't have been fighting I would have never befriended A and she would have never introduced me to my husband, if my Grad school first choice hadn't wait listed me I would have never gone to Philadelphia where I met my roommate whom I had a fallout with and I would have never met A and I would have never met my husband.  It's hard to understand why things happen but I think there's always a silver lining.   It may be hard to see at first but it's always there.

Prince Charming

I've been married for 2.5 years.  My hubby and I are pretty compatible.  We got engaged after 18 months. We are very different but we mesh well.  Every other relationship I had or pseudo relationship was always so dramatic.  Being with him is effortless.  At first I was a bit confused.  I always thought drama was part of the equation and so sometimes I stir up a little bit of drama because, well, I am a bit of a drama queen.  One time I told my friends I wanted to take a drama class and one of them responded with:"What? You could teach the class." I am dramatic and I tend to be a little insecure so one day I asked my hubby: "What made you want to date me?" and he responded with:"You like sports, you are down to do anything, and you eat everything I feed you" . What?!?  Really?  That's it?  The entire time I thought men were looking for something more profound.  I expected something like: "I picture you as the mother of my unborn children, or I can see myself growing old with you, or you make everything in life worthwhile, or you light up the room when you walk in."  You know, the typical cliches but instead his answer was honest and refreshing.  I hear people say that love is complicated and I'm not sure how I feel about that.  Life is complicated and relationships are hard and require a lot of work, but love is one of the purest and unadulterated feelings anyone could possibly experience. My hubby's answer may not have been that of Prince Charming but I realized that sometimes you have to change the fairy tale to fit you, stop trying to fit into the fairy tale.  You are not Cinderella and your life is not a movie!  Make your own fairy tale! :0

"Your life is not a movie"

My husband has to constantly remind me of this. Why? Because I tend to be somewhat dramatic but FINALLY I realized he is right.  My life is not a movie and I realized I don't want it to be!!! I was watching a rom-com, you know the usual story line . . . boy meets girl, drama, blah, blah, blah, happily ever after.  I have to say I love romantic comedies and I'm always like: "aww, why can't someone do that for me or love me so much," but then I started thinking: what happens when the movie ends? We have three options: 1. They live happily after 2. They live mediocrely ever after 3. They get divorced  . . . They probably end up living the same life I'm living now, mine is probably better . . . let's be honest . . . and I avoided all the drama! On a side note I am extremely excited for The Great Gatsby starring Leo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan and Tobey Maguire set out to be released Christmas Day 2012! I've read the book 7 times and I've seen like 2 of the remakes. This movie is far from being a rom-com, it's based on a literary classic!

Unset Jello

I've been married for two years, and we are thinking babies.  We were watching I don't know how she does it . . . you know the movie with Sarah Jessica Parker based on the book written by Allison Pearson.  I enjoyed both the book and the movie.  One of my fears in life is to be an unsuitable mother.  I grew up in an intact household.  My dad was the sole provider and my mom was a stay at home mom.  I received all the attention and all the accolades any little girl, teenage girl, young lady and woman would want.  I'm a career woman and one of my fears is that I won't be able to balance a career and kids, but everyone says that I will be a great mom.  I have no other option but to believe them.  Ok, back to the movie.  Kate Reddy, the protagonist, has to bake something for the bake sale but she doesn't have time so she buys a pie.  The stay at home moms bake delicious pastries but one of the other moms brings . . . unset jello . . . so I turn to my hubby and I ask? What kind of mom do you think I'll be? He looks at me pauses and responds with: you'll be the unset jello mom.  Whomp, whomp, whomp .  . .  way to reassure me honey!  On a completely unrelated note I hear Brandy is making a comeback.  I believe it too because she was on Drop Dead Diva this summer and she was great!
tootles