Identity theft?

I come from a very traditional Mexican family.  My father, the patriarch, provided for us and no one was allowed to work.  Women, my sister and I, were to help in the kitchen.   Men, my brother, were not.  That's just the way it was, not a bad thing but that's how we were raised because that's how my parents were raised.  Somehow, I never managed to learn how to cook.  For the most part my siblings and I didn't do much.  Our duties included some chores here and there and going to school to better ourselves.  I remember when I was in college I wasn't allowed to go out until I cleaned the bathroom.  I hated cleaning the bathroom.  Hated it!  Anyway, I grew up always trying to fight the double standard.  I didn't want to help in the kitchen and I didn't want to pick up after my brother.  I wanted to be an independent woman.  Despite my dad's expectations of me as a woman he always emphasized  the importance of an education because he never wanted me to rely on a man to provide for me.  He used to say that he was once a boy himself and he knew what the boys wanted and he wanted to make sure I never fell for any of it.  He and I have an extremely open relationship and I've always appreciated it.  I don't think I would have accomplished all that I've accomplished without the support of my family.  They've always had my back 100% and I love them for it.  I owe a lot of my traits and mannerisms to my parents.  I have always felt that aside from the gift of love the greatest gift my parents have given me is my heritage and culture.  I am so proud to be Mexican American and I am so proud of my last name.  I've accomplished so much under that name.  I've been married for 2.5 years and I have not changed my last name.  I've had that social security form for the last two years.  It's all filled out but the top portion where it asks me how I want my name to appear  . . .  I cannot fill it out! I feel confused.  I don't identify with that last name.  Everything I am and everything I know is because of the fundamentals my parents instilled in me.  I know it sounds horrible and I love my husband very much but do I have to take a last name that I've only known for 5 years and give up the one I've known for 30?! Of course my dad, being the traditional man that he is once told me I should definitely take my husband's last name.  I think I'm confused because my husband is not Mexican and I feel like once I take his last name I'll lose a part of my persona.  I'm trying to convince myself to change it.  I want our kids to have his last name so why shouldn't I? So I'm taking baby steps.  Last week I ordered a monogrammed bangle and I used his last name instead of mine.  I'm excited to wear it! One step at a time . . .

Babies

Everyone around me is having a baby! Of course that poses the question: when will I have a baby? I don't know. I want a baby but I don't feel ready but then again will I ever be ready? All I keep thinking is the longer I prolong having a baby the less time I have to spend with said baby. It creates such anxiety in my life. What makes anyone ready to have a baby? Finances? Life goals? Career goals? Sometimes I feel society puts so much stress on women to procreate but I realize that as we age the complications increase. It's so much to deal with on my own sometimes, not to mention the added stress from family members and my ob-gyn who is a firm advocate of women having children before the age of 35. Am I being selfish? When will it ever be the right time? My close friend says to me: "there's people in worse financial or career situations than you are and they're having babies." That's not reassuring. I have a few more personal goals I want to achieve before I'm ready. Then again, life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. I hope time doesn't pass me by and I wake up 12 years from now with no babies and no one to dedicate my life to.

"Your life is not a movie"

My husband has to constantly remind me of this. Why? Because I tend to be somewhat dramatic but FINALLY I realized he is right.  My life is not a movie and I realized I don't want it to be!!! I was watching a rom-com, you know the usual story line . . . boy meets girl, drama, blah, blah, blah, happily ever after.  I have to say I love romantic comedies and I'm always like: "aww, why can't someone do that for me or love me so much," but then I started thinking: what happens when the movie ends? We have three options: 1. They live happily after 2. They live mediocrely ever after 3. They get divorced  . . . They probably end up living the same life I'm living now, mine is probably better . . . let's be honest . . . and I avoided all the drama! On a side note I am extremely excited for The Great Gatsby starring Leo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan and Tobey Maguire set out to be released Christmas Day 2012! I've read the book 7 times and I've seen like 2 of the remakes. This movie is far from being a rom-com, it's based on a literary classic!

Unset Jello

I've been married for two years, and we are thinking babies.  We were watching I don't know how she does it . . . you know the movie with Sarah Jessica Parker based on the book written by Allison Pearson.  I enjoyed both the book and the movie.  One of my fears in life is to be an unsuitable mother.  I grew up in an intact household.  My dad was the sole provider and my mom was a stay at home mom.  I received all the attention and all the accolades any little girl, teenage girl, young lady and woman would want.  I'm a career woman and one of my fears is that I won't be able to balance a career and kids, but everyone says that I will be a great mom.  I have no other option but to believe them.  Ok, back to the movie.  Kate Reddy, the protagonist, has to bake something for the bake sale but she doesn't have time so she buys a pie.  The stay at home moms bake delicious pastries but one of the other moms brings . . . unset jello . . . so I turn to my hubby and I ask? What kind of mom do you think I'll be? He looks at me pauses and responds with: you'll be the unset jello mom.  Whomp, whomp, whomp .  . .  way to reassure me honey!  On a completely unrelated note I hear Brandy is making a comeback.  I believe it too because she was on Drop Dead Diva this summer and she was great!
tootles